My Lovely Mushroom

Monday, December 24, 2018

Back to post again..

I thought yesterday would be the only post I will publish for 2018.

But I need to post again today.. cos too many complicated feeling in me right now...

I just heard about the passing of an ex-colleague which makes me think and reflect on myself a lot..

At the same time, it makes me think deeper whereby I really feel so thankful for everything I have right now..

My good health, my family by my side, get to see my love ones as often as I can and more...

In addition, I am truly thankful once again for the 2nd chance I have with him.. as I could have lose him due to my wilfulness.. but I am glad I didn't and now I really appreciate every moments we have together.. cos with him by my side is the most precious treasure in life..

With him by my side, pampering and accompanying me as much as possible is really the most enjoyable feeling ever.. whereby I will never ever get sick of it.

Seeing him getting alone well with my mum and grandma is the best view ever as well which I always wish I can just pause that moment and enjoy it longer before it even end cos it is just so sweet..

10:39 PM

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Its going be end of year 2018 liao..

I wonder how long has it been since I last posted again but nvmmmmm…..

This year was really a good one.. at least to me... cos of him.. cos of his mere presence in my life..

Those moments with him will be kept in my heart and mind like the most precious treasure.. those trips, gentle embrace, tender smile, sweet words and etc... all will be my treasure..

In addition, now I got my desired job which I m working hard each day.. and with him by my side..and my family...

What else are there for me to complain? I guess everything really happen for a reason..

Now thinking back about me and him, we really come a long way.. going through a lot of ups and downs till we finally at this stage whereby we got more comfortable with each other as we open up more liao.. and I like that fact that our relationship is progressing smoothly.. although we r not in those romantic relationship..

I now dont expect anything and I just hope that we will continue to be in each other life only.. and be as comfortable as we r right now... Not that I dont want any change but we shall just take things slowly..

Our relationship is something really complicated, but at least we know what we are doing and where we stands.. so yea.. sound so chimalogy and complicated hor?? hahahahahahs..

All I can say is hope we continue to progress smoothly and we r able to overcome any obstacles together.. cos I do believe that it will be slightly easier if we both are working towards the same thing.. it is always better than one sided kind of effort.

Jiayou and look forward to a better 2019..! :)

12:00 AM

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Hi,

I am back to post again.. I guess this is my way to vent out any inner thoughts of mine.. cos I sometimes just doesn't know how to explain on things I know.. but knowing and doing it is two different thing..

I do know I am not that kind of smart girl which can easily attract others to help me on their accord or something along the line.. But I do believe that there is someone who will appreciate me for who I am.. plus now I didn't expect to kinda be criticise for being who I am in this "human eat human" world..

How wrong can it be for being myself?? Why does I have to act like those people in order to be able to protect myself from harm and etc..? If I don't do so, I cant protect myself in any other ways??

I really do wonder and I guess I just need more time to digest.. and I may not be super mature but I am also not that childish in my opinion as I do have my way of doing things and etc that's all..I guess..

7:16 PM

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Hello,

I am back to post again..

Depression can be so dammit scary to take away life without much warning.

I guess everyone in the world would like to be appreciated accordingly.. but most people just take things for granted..

I do admit I do take things for granted, but this doesn't mean I am useless..

And I have been feeling useless for quite some time now even since things happen within such short notice and etc...

How I wish life can be simple and more heart-warming for all..

Why did the world become so distorted and every facts seems so unrealistic...?

I pray sincerely for all these chaos to stop and may everything goes back to normal..

How I wish that life can be more humane and simple.. without too much complications..

Now I really don't know how to keep on looking around while moving on with life..

Feel that life is really getting more and more meaningless..

But yet one thing is I fear of death and do not have the guts to end it once and for all..

Plus doing so, I feel like I let even more people down, especially my family... my mum who went through the pain to bring me to this world..

7:24 PM

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Hello, it has been so long since I posted..

I really do miss the time I vent my feelings here without having to fear about how people will judge me, because you can choose not to read what I posted..

It has been frustrating and chaotic for me for the past few months..

So many things happen all at one go which makes me feel really tired..

I really wonder why are things so complicated, and why cant things be simpler for all..

I do know that it's not easy to be human, but I didn't know it has been so hard...

Is being simple-minded really stupid? Why does all those tricks and schemes so scary when the person looks so nice and decent in your eyes?

Is it true that there is really a devil in everyone? If that's the case, where's the angel as well??

Kill be the demon and devil in us?

Reality is cruel due to the fact that all living human are always willing to put others in misery in order to survive..

I do note that survival is important, but does that means you jus abandon all the other values in life?

Now I cant wait to just let things really passed and I shall move on from there totally..

Maybe this time I do learn a lesson which really leave a deep scar in my mind and heart which I can never forget..

Human nature is being put into test again and I see how they fail again.

Maybe I really should learn how to think badly of anyone, before I think of anything good about them..

I am glad I did manage to know one or two nice friend for now..

But how long will the goodness lasts will be the next thing I have to look into.

Everything changes and human nature is no exception.

Hope one day we can see more angels in life to provide a better place for future generation.. or else the world will get more and more ugly which will make people think, why bring those child to earth for them to suffer more in the future, isn't it?

12:24 AM

Friday, December 16, 2016

Hi.. I am back to post some thoughts of mine..

In summary.. jus wanna type out some feelings as a way to release some stress? Hhahahhahas~!!!

Well welll welllll... I guess I just find life kinda too boring and bland whereby I am looking out for some fun..However, nothing seem to really attract my attention somehow..

The one I am longing for has no time for me.. he is in his own big big world and I am merely just a friend.. an annoying friend maybe??

But I am trying to just live the way I used to before he comes into my life.. But when changes take place, it means it already happen and it cannot be undone so easily isnt it?

But yet I have to force myself to accept this change then after that ignore the fact that the change has actually taken place.. What logic is this srsly?

Due to this change, now I am being mean to everyone around me somehow.. including myself... cos when I am mean to those ard me, I hate myself for it srsly...

I hate how I ignore the care and concern at times cos I got too fustrated with all the blaming on myself somehow.

Yet at the same time, who can I blame when I am not willing to share this to them cos I sort of wanna keep things the way it is.. whereby there is no blame on him or myself in a way.. I hope I am making the right decisions somehow.. But my attitude srsly need alot of reflection... I hate the way that I sort of getting worse and more worse..

Hwaiting to myself and hope everything will turns out right as time goes by~~!!!!!

9:32 PM

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Hi All,

It has been so long I been missing somehow...

Throughout the time I am "missing", I guess I really been through a lot to the point i am sure I have grow quite abit?? HHahahhs~

Well, I did re-read some of the posts I posted last time... well... I guess it was just me being myself and looking for a way to vent out all the nonsenses without thinking too mich at times... hahahhas~

But one thing abt mii doesnt seem to change which is my passion in finding my own love story.. instead of always envying and listening to others love story...

Well, i used to think I fall for that particular someone till the point whereby I do like him and respect him alot as a friend and brother.. and the admiration towards him is just quite big to the point I thought it is love?

But now things just got back to the starting point whereby he is just a past and I have already move on from there.

Now I do have another guy in my heart and mind somehow? But we r just friends.. nth more.. HHAhahsh~

Well, there might have something btw us before in a way but I guess we both need to just really think clearly what we want to prevent hurting each other.. Thus, being friends is the ebst option available.

He is really a good friend, but at the same time, he is a busy man as well ah~ Lols...

Whenever I think about him, it neveer fails to bring a smile on my face.. but at the same time, it does bring mii some heartache as well at certain memories between us..

But still, as a overall, it is more of happy memories which never fails to bring a small hint of smile on my face.. :)

hOpe mii and him are able to make more happy memories even as friends.. :)

10:57 PM